Pride = What will they think of me?

Three days into my third year of teaching, I feel very different than I did two years ago.  One of the main differences I would say is not worrying too much about what my students think of me.  This was a major concern my first year, so much so that I hesitated to discipline the children at times (so that they would think I was nice) and while on other occasions I was too harsh on them (so that they would think I was tough).  As you can see, this is a very man-centered fear.  Thankfully, God is in the process of liberating me from this fear.  Through a book I read this summer on the topic and more importantly by his grace, the Lord has changed me.  He has shown me that instead of needing other people to meet my felt (psychological) needs, the only One I really need is him.  There is a sense in which I still need people; however, it is not about me.  I need people to help me glorify him, because I cannot do it on my own.  By myself, I am a very poor representation of what God is like.  Yes, I am created in his image, but as someone pointed out to me recently, the only thing that was not good before the fall was for man to be alone.  That is because man cannot fully display God's character by going it alone.  That is why God created woman and eventually the church.  We need each other to reflect God's communicable attributes (those attributes of God that we share with him in part, such as knowledge, wisdom, love, and mercy).

Year 3! Can It Be?

Well, it is.  Hard to believe.  Two years ago I was just settling into Bellevue, scrambling to get my classroom set up, and praying hard that God would be with me.

He was.  I just didn't have eyes to see.  I won't give a complete recap of what happened, but I will say this: it wasn't good.  However, God is good.  He remains faithful to his own, even when we are faithless.

I am thankful for his work in me.  More than that, though, I am thankful for his work outside of me, namely, Christ's substitutionary atoning (wrath absorbing) death on the cross for my sins.  Not to mention his perfect righteous life that he credits to my account.

This is the gospel, and I need it every day.  And not just at the beginning of the day, but all day long.  It is a life of repentance and faith in Christ.  His blood has ransomed me forever.  There is therefore now no condemnation.  Praise God!

Loving Unbelievers

Let me ask you a question: do you love unbelievers? I mean, when you speak with them, do you have a deep sense of compassion for their souls, remembering that you were once one? I realize that they are dishonoring God with their lives. Yes, we should be zealous for God's glory, but how does that come across in your interactions with people outside the faith?

Do you look down on them? Is there a sense of superiority that you understand the doctrines of grace and they don't have a clue? Have you forgotten that you are in their shoes apart from God's kindness to you in Christ?

What did it take for you to believe...someone who didn't really care and just shared the gospel out of duty or a warped sense of making God happy by dropping the message on you, or was it a real friend who shared your struggles and remained gentle and open to you, even after you rejected his initial attempts at proclaiming the good news to your heart?

I think the latter gets closer to the heart of what it really means to love.

January = August?

January feels like August in many ways. The stress of starting new concepts in every subject. The difficulty of getting kids to behave and follow directions. The lack of motivation to grade papers and plan lessons. That being said, it has been a tough month.

I still battle sin each day. Teaching, I'm realizing, is just one of those professions where your heart is exposed over and over through trying situations. I trust God is using these to sanctify me, but my progress seems slow.

Thankfully, God does not accept me on the basis of my level of spiritual maturity. In fact, he does not even accept me because I want to change (because I do not even want that for the right reasons sometimes). I am accepted on the basis of Christ's finished work on the cross. He alone makes me acceptable to God by having bore the wrath I deserve to endure and by having provided the righteousness (or perfect obedience) that I am required to have.

And then comes Christmas...

Well, so much for writing about my experiences and keeping this blog updated once a month. It seems that without having the internet at home and with having blogs blocked at school, my motivation for regularly processing what has been happening has diminished significantly. This is sad, mainly because I think it is important and healthy for me to put on paper (or a computer screen) the thoughts in my head to keep them from remaining a bunch of jumbled ideas. The real question, however, is whether the organizing of these thoughts is worth anyone else's time or attention. That I have yet to discover. Perhaps I would have by now had I kept this thing current, but I have said enough about that already. Better luck next year, I guess.

Welcome to 4th Grade!

I said I would post once a month beginning in August, and here I am on the last Saturday of the month scrambling to get this done. The first two and one half weeks have been overwhelming to say the least. I did not realize teaching was so much work. Everyone told me that the first year of teaching is tough, but this is almost too much. On Wednesday of this week I actually hit a breaking point, but thankfully God put people in my life to keep me going just like he always does.

I called my mom that night to talk things over, and she just reminded me to stay positive and focus on what is going well. I often neglect to praise my students or give them rewards because I feel that they are not deserving; however, I must remember that neither am I of God's grace.

On Thursday someone from the district office came in to observe my students and really just reaffirmed me in my teaching abilities. I know that when Moses questioned God about sending him to speak with Pharaoh on his behalf, God did not tell Moses that he was adequate but rather said that he would be with him, but it is also important to be doing things that we are gifted at. So when she said that she could see natural teacher instincts in me and that my students really needed me, that made a world of difference in my outlook. It is one thing for someone to say that you will be fine and that you are a good teacher, but to have someone actually experience your teaching and still say those things, that is quite another.

The First Days of School

I have been meaning to write here for a while now, and tonight seems just as good a time as any. The last couple weeks in particular things have really picked up as far as getting ready for the students to come. I have met with one of my mentors several times to work on my classroom and go over some of the curriculum. I have also been through three days of professional development training for new teachers. Two of those days consisted of learning the Boys Town model for classroom management. They really focus on proactively teaching positive behaviors, which really goes well with Harry Wong's emphasis in his book on practicing procedures from the beginning. Today was a literacy strategies class in which we looked at the Six Traits of Writing, a program called Step Up to Writing, and a couple workshops on personal narratives and reading comprehension strategies. Overall, I feel thoroughly overwhelmed at the thought of 27 nine-year-olds entering my door on August 12. However, I know that the Lord will be with me.